Posts Tagged ‘Sara Groves’

Wishing To Be Past The Wishing

Posted: September 18, 2010 in Motivational

Ten years ago upon completing my junior year of high school, my English teacher wrote me the following note:

“Behind every good writer is a good thinker, and that describes you to a tee. You have an innate quality of seeing to the heart of a matter, and as a junior in high school, this is impressive. Once you find your passion in life, you will excel past your current successes. Enjoy that time!”

I am beginning this blog with this quote, because ten years later, I am still contemplating passion and how to truly enjoy life. Truth be told, I spend the majority of my time looking forward to moments that haven’t yet occurred, reliving past accomplishments or attempting to escape from and cover up mistakes. It seems Jesus was One who was able to fully live in the moment. One who showed the glory of God by demonstrating what man looks like fully alive.

I do not know what I was meant to accomplish, but I do know I am here for a purpose. I believe writing is an integral part of my destiny. I have believed this for some time, but avoided it to a great extent out of fear. So here I am. Writing.

Not that I haven’t been here before. There have been journals, academic accolades, previous blogs, professional accomplishments. But much of what I produce has often, if not always, been polished to reflect only a part of my soul. Jaime has rarely been impressed as she knows me well and has told me my public writing is both self-important and dishonest (expressing this idea in love and not in those exact words). And she is right, as most spouses are, most of the time.

I do enjoy being in relationships in which I am the one to dispense advice and offer a helping hand; I don’t much like to be on the receiving end. But to “give” and never “receive” in this fashion is a failure to be vulnerable. A failure to demonstrate humility. A failure to experience relationships. So,while I imagine that much of what I write here will have a similar style to my previous work, I hope to improve my honesty and vulnerability, and in so doing move closer to whatever destiny may be calling and to the people who may be reading. For thus far, I have been nothing if not consistently inconsistent, largely due to an unwillingness to shed perfectionism.

While watching “Letters to Juliet” the other night with Jaime, a particular scene spoke to me in ways previous films have before. The film’s protagonist, a twenty-something aspiring writer explains she has never submitted her work for publishing as she has never felt it was finished. I have often felt the same way, but realize now that by never “being finished”, nothing has begun. Here’s to a new beginning, one where I will write more frequently as I attempt to put out of my mind potential criticisms, controversies and more importantly my own “standards.” In hope that I can both improve my writing and still assist some folks along the way.

I am horribly out of writing practice, and feel much the way I used to during the first week of baseball in the Spring after skipping a season of hitting due to basketball. I never doubted I could hit fastballs in those early sessions, but also had to make peace with the fact that I wouldn’t hit one for a while until my timing was honed. So please bear with me, your time and willingness to read any of this means a lot.

All this reminds me of a Sara Groves song entitled “Past the Wishing,” in which Sara sings:

“I wish that I were closer to Jesus
But not enough to get me out of bed
For an early morning prayer before the
Rushes of my life take me instead

You’ve shown me my man of Macedonia
You’re calling me further on
And I’m tired of saying it’s a nice idea
I wish it could be done

I don’t wish that I could go I am going
I don’t wish that I could be I am being
I don’t wish that I could do it I am doing
By the grace of God I am doing

I’m past the wishing
Past the wishing”

I wish to be past the wishing. How I long deep inside to be able to sing those last verses in truth, not theory. Please join me in this journey.Your thoughts, comments, prayers, feedback and criticisms are all welcomed and necessary. Subscribe. Tell your friends. Get on my case if I am not writing, because I need the practice. Destiny awaits.